In the interests of, well, myself - I have just had the marvellous idea of posting the email, that is presently saved in my Drafts box, here.
I figure that it needs to be expelled in order for me to feel at ease with myself (well, not me really, more the STUPID little Insecurity Gremlins that live in my head..)...
It's a pretty good bet that there are only 2 people at most that read this and they already know how my insecurities can beat me up in dark corners when people have turned away to witness something interesting happening on the tellyvee, so it seems a good place to 'air' myself and have the words pushed forth into the ether. Kind of like the way in which people tell you to 'write that letter dammit' but not to EVER mail it.
So here you go ether -

Well, I feel I owe you this!

You have probably tried to call me a few times over the last two weeks (not me being smug, just figured you had) but I have either been out, away or had folk over!

So, Fred mutters to himself, why the heck haven't you hung out with me??

Well Mister Fred - because.

Because you have recently begun a new work challenge and therefore aren't as available as my holidays would like!

Because I can be lazy with this kind of thing - I am crap at making phone calls and crap at organising meeting up with people and then I lament it all later!

Because we have gotten along so well over the months in the way that we have that I feel no pressure to push it on at any kind of pace.

Because we seem to be friends and therefore there is no need for haste.

Because I have crammed my days too willy nilly at the last minute to be able to plan ahead at any rate.

Because whenever I think of a great time on my side for us to hang out I have left it too late or whatever and have assumed (yes, not fair) that you wouldn't be able to.

Because when I have thought of the best time for us to have or do I have left it too late and can't possibly organise it in time.

Because when I have just felt Yeah! I will just call him and see what he is doing! I have realised that I am covered in dirt or paint and wearing something terribly grotty.

Because when I drive through your neighbourhood on very frequent ocassion due to going to my friend in Canterbury I realise I have no idea where you live and (see the because directly above)

Because when I did plan for time to do so you actually were doing something or you said maybe not this weekend.

Because I either want it to be organised and where I can dress in uncomfortable but apparently nice looking things and you might think I am kind of lovely or where I can just bump into you and be everyday where it doesn't matter how I seem because we are mates anyway.

Because of Easter and stuff.

Because your mum came to visit (how was she? did you have fun? I haven't spoken to you for soooo long!)

Because my car is having troubles that are gonna cost me a kidney or two.

Because my friend Julie is having life troubles.

Because my friend Milly has just bought a house (yeah, it doesn't make sense when I read it back either!)

Because the end of the holidays always see me stressed and incoherent (ah, yes, well, see above for proof!)

Because

Because

Because

Lots of excuses but mainly because (My lovely friend Snooz pointed it out to me today - ) Because deep down I don't want to because deep down there is a part of me that just figures it will only go pear shaped for some reason or other and I do like having you as my crazy engineery long distance country grown think alike friend.

There. I said it. That's all. And you thought I was hiding something from you - well, that's it.
I am hiding being a girl from you.

Because I am and I think too much. *sigh* :P

So.

Ok.

Yeah.

Hmm........spose I better go and shave my toes or something....

PS. How IS your new job?????????

PPS. Do you like the theme song from Footloose?

PPPS. Do you know where I can get some kidneys from?

There.
And obviously I am not interested in someone named Fred...I did that cool thing where they change people's names in order to protect their identity...yeah...lucky.....because SOOOOOOO many people read this thing... idiot