What's new. Or not...

Being President of the Tragically Bitter Singles Club, people often ask me "What's new with you?"
Um, do you really need me to bother trying to answer that?
I can fake it, make something up, pretend I am cataloguing the myriad dynamic and uber-exciting events of the past week or so, appear to be locating an anecdote at which to begin, flop open my GINORMOUS and BULGING social diary, phone a friend for help as I am so exhausted from my hectic whirlwind of a life...
Shall I go on?
What I usually answer with is thus -
"Mmm, nothing much, work, you know, stuff.."
When what I REALLY want to do is laugh maniacally with my eyeballs lolling in my skull and my arms flailing whilst kicking a wall and crying with hysterics at the HILARITY that is the assumption that A) Being a 'single girl' I would simlpy have to have some juicy juicy stories to tell of my day to day jaunts, B) That anything different would happen to one as boring as myself and C) That being a teacher would allow for much else during the working term.. (Note: There is a difference between the working term and the non-teaching break that is the "HOLIDAYS"...grrrr)

Things that shit me number one:
Teaching - regardless of whether you even try to not put a lot of effort in - takes up too much of your fucking time.
Supporting anecdote:
At a certain un-nameable, extraordinarily LARGE hardware chain warehouse recently I was told by the cashier that I was 'a good girl' for doing the purchasing I needed for the following week's classes in my 'own time'.
It was a Sunday.
I was buying buttloads of balsa wood and paint.
I let out a very loud and somewhat surprising, even to myself, squawk that sounded like a chicken trying to laugh maniacally in one quick burst.
This startled the poor woman and in order to not seem like a complete freakazoid I simply supported this HA! with the following :
'There is NO other 'time' to be doing this. There is ONLY 'my time'..'
I left her to lick her wounds and mumbled to myself on way to the carpark about something or other that included various rants about 'what other time is there?', 'just what the fuck do people think we do?' and proceeded to grumble to the steering wheel questions along the lines of 'surely there is another way', 'why?', 'why?' and 'why?'....
Anecdote postscript:
Note - Try not to mutter to yourself in any carpark...people tend to react badly to this and often sidle towards burly security guards.

Things that shit me number two:
That teaching really, really does suck up a lot of your own time.
(I am not even going to bother covering the extended Sub-headings of Things that shit me number one OR two because that rant will surely amuse on another ocassion and I wouldn't want to waste it.)
I guess what I will say for number two, that relates back to the question of 'What's new?' and targets directly Assumption A, is -
Exactly where and when am I going to meet these delicious young men with whom I am supposed to be having my illicit, raunchy and tumultuous affairs?
Supporting anecdote:
Fred, yes - he is still talking to me even after sending him an email that WASN'T the one I posted here but almost so similar that it is just like buying a Rolex in downtown Hanoi - Fred asked me the other day why it was that I was single?
After 3.5 seconds of speedy brain-googling to locate an appropriate answer that wouldn't frighten him away for good (rejected answers include references to the size of my arse, my shyness and inability to construct a conversation with a stranger, my scorpio tendencies of which I would need a whole OTHER rant to clarify and assorted articles related to a range of trivial topics the likes of which include housework, playing with others, routine, cynicism and committment..) I came back with "Well, where am I supposed to be meeting these guys?"
Some mutterings from Fred and I flew into my solo act 3: The joke about teenage boys..
Hilarity ensued but the point is thus - unless I want to dip my nib in the office ink (and man, is that ink baaaaaaad) or land myself with a little bit of jail time I really don't know what I should be doing to remove the apparently leper-like quality of being single.
Anecdote postscript:
Regardless of how funny it seems at the time - when I rant - there is truth and sometimes pain, sometimes annoyance in my ranting.
I get home at, say - 5 and I either go to the gym (to get hot for life with boys) or do more work (to pay for life with boys). At the close of both of these things I am usually too tired to even be bothered worrying about the apparent nutritional value of eating toast for dinner night after night and I go to bed at some nanna-esque time and get up grumpy in the morning to do it all again.
On the weekends - like now for example, if not outsourcing quantities of crapola for work, I try to do my own things but end up feeling guilty about not doing work and end up doing work and bitching and moaning about it to all and sundry over and over and over...

Things that shit me number three:
Yep, this one really shits me.
It's me.

Supporting anecdote..well, more a bunch of statements:
I whinge and moan about work but can't bring myself to change it.
I whinge and moan about work but am not even sure I want to change it.
I whinge and moan about boys but don't have the time or energy to change it.
I whinge and moan about boys but don't realise that all the whingeing and moaning would not be all that attractive to boys anyway even if I did meet one.
If I wasn't a Procrastinator - Class A, I may actually have more time for boys and not feel so repressed by work....

Am I done?
Yeah, I guess so. For now anyway..

But once I get this marking out of the way SO HELP ME WORLD!!!! (shakes fist at world..)